I confess. I did the unthinkable today. I went to the MALL, against all my better judgement. I immediately regretted it, and am spanking myself. (ouch)  Here are some observations that I took away from the experience:

  • 9 out of 10 people parked in handicapped spaces are just lazy.
  • A Bluetooth is not a fashion accessory.
  • Neither is a gold tooth.
  • Unless you live in Atlantic City, a nylon sweatsuit is NOT acceptable attire.
  • Those leggings don’t work with your fur-lined parka.
  • I really don’t give a shit what Patrick said to you, or what you said back. Neither does anybody else in the checkout line.
  • Didn’t I see you an hour ago having the same conversation on your cell?
  • XXL is NOT the new size medium.
  • I’m just spending $6.00, so, no, I don’t want to open a charge account and save 10%. Thank you, tho.
  • When there are more than 3 of you in a row, could you please let me pass?
  • PLEASE don’t text and walk.
  • PLEASE PLEASE hang up before you start backing out of the parking lot!
  • OH NO YOU DID-INT!!!  Please get a giftcard for an easy return of  that santa sweater!
  • No, I already have 17 different flavors of perfume on me–all unsolicited–so I DON”T want to try Brittany’s new  scent “skank”.
  • Girl, you coulda got that WAAAYYY cheaper at TJMaxx!!

I’d love to hear your observations from holiday shopping trips. I’m sure that no matter where you live, you’ll have some entertaining thoughts to share!

HELL at the mall

HELL at the mall

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