Greenland For Dummies

melting icebergs Greenland

 

 

 

 

 

So, I’m in a travel writing class to re-ignite my motivation to continue my book.  Our assignment this week was to plan a holiday for one of the political candidates. First I thought, well, I could send the Obamas to Costa Rica–no, too boring. How about sending McCain to a spa–he looks so tightly wound–no, too common. I need something that will reflect me.  So here’s what I’m handing in.  Whaddya think?

Greenland For Dummies

 

“Greenland? Oh, that sounds pretty.  What state is that in?”

I had just been commissioned to choose a vacation destination for Sarah Palin, the controversial vice presidential candidate for the republican team. As a democrat who does not share her views, I believe that a trip to Greenland is in order.

Ms. Palin denies the fact of global warming, and is intent on drilling her home state to its core, completely disregarding the fact that the polar bear and other arctic life are fast losing their habitat.  A trip to the “Land of the Midnight Sun” will hopefully help to enlighten the unenlightened.

When told that a naturalist with the National Geographic Society would lead her trip, Palin mused, “Oh, that’s wonderful. Will I be in the magazine? It would be great PR for my 2012 presidential run.”

The naturalist, a specialist in the field of global warming, would spend the first four days of the expedition studying the rate of glacial melt in the northernmost part of the country. Greenland is the foremost example of the effects of the heating of the world’s atmosphere and it is here that one can experience first-hand the devastation of melting ice sheets.

Conrad Steffan, a Glaciologist from the University of Colorado, explained to Palin that the Arctic Council, representing countries with Arctic territory, “has commissioned a report on Greenland’s environmental trends. It is to be completed before the 2009 climate treaty talks in Copenhagen, at which the world’s nations have pledged to settle on a long-term plan for limiting human-caused global warming.”

“Treaty talks?” asked Palin. “I don’t think we want to be involved in those.”

But her expedition to the glaciers will only be one portion of Palin’s adventure. She will also be joining a group of ten other explorers, hiking in South Greenland’s narrow gorges and stark mountains. It is here that one can witness the lush forests and roaring rivers of this remote spot. Peregrine falcons are often observed hunting from their perches high above in the stands of birch trees.

“Hunting? I’m starting to like this trip!” quipped Palin, sporting a wide smile outlined in her now-famous very-berry lipstick.

Yes, Ms. Palin will have the opportunity to hunt reindeer, an age-old Inuit tradition, as well. However, Greenland strictly enforces the law that only boats or dogsleds can be utilized to transport hunters to designated hunting grounds, and only non-automatic rifles are allowed.

“No helicopters?”

No helicopters, planes, or snowmobiles. Hunters may only be propelled by their own two feet.

“Sounds like I’m gonna need a new wardrobe for this trip.”

You betcha. (Wink)